NEW BLOOD: UNDERWORLD BLOOD WARS

UNDERWORLD: BLOOD WARS

Screen Gems

2017 Color

91 Mins.

Horror/Action

Kate Beckinsale, Theo James, Tobias Menzies, Lara Pulver and Charles Dance star.

Written by Cory Goodman

Directed by Anna Foerster

Rated R for language, violence, gore and sexuality

Oh boy Underworld franchise, what is there to even say. We've had our ups (Evolution) and our downs (the original) but even though this isn't the worst of the bunch it's never been quite this bad. Centering around Selene who seems bored at this point. She travels the world alone evading vampires and lycans alike as they try and get her daughter's whereabouts of which she has no information. Que stylish action scene and unintentionally funny narration. There's a bitchy new vampire who wants to make sure Selene pays for what she's done played by a truly terrible Lara Pulver and than there's a new Lycan leader who has a secret vampire lover and a dark, terrible secret.

 Que stylish action scene. Selene and a very hunky David played solidly by Theo James join forces and visit a sort of snowbound vampire spa where everyone looks like their albino nazis after they are betrayed in which she gets highlights in her hair, becomes super fast and has an ice capades show. 

Que more stylish action sequences and lots of unintentionally funny dialogue. The thing is throughout all of this nonsense the film is still entertaining and never boring. The action scenes are mostly inspired and briskly performed. Except for Lara Pulver's horrible character Semira, and her ridiculous cartwheeling dance/fight scene with David. Beckinsale is still in fine form as Selene she does what she can with the material and mostly succeeds but the dialogue is just so awful in parts.

 This entry is also not as gory as the others and features more gun action and less fighting sadly. Director Anna Foerster does a bad job but it's no doubt that the film suffers from budgetary constraints it was reduced from 65 million to 35. In the end fans of the series will enjoy it at the most inadequate level. But the story itself is still interesting and hopefully if this entry hasn't killed the franchise her next adventure will be properly funded and put together by more capable hands. ***/5

NEW BLOOD: THE BYE-BYE MAN

THE BYE-BYE MAN
STX
2017 Color 
96 Mins.
Horror/Thriller 
Written by Jonathan Penner and Robert Damon Schneck
Directed by Stacy Title
Rated PG-13 for language, violence, sexuality and very light gore.

Honestly Did anyone even think this would be good. Like a sucker I still buy a ticket for every horror movie that hits theaters That being said I went into this one with very low expectations and came out feeling like it was both worse and better than I expected. The film centers on a group of young friends who move into a new off campus house and discover an urban legend in which if you say the villain's name he will haunt and manipulate you until you kill yourself. Yes, he makes you see delusions, it's that lame, que fake out jump scares.

 Sadly Faye Dunaway shows up a third of the way through to embarrass herself and the repeating mantra of 'Don't say it, Don't think it" is annoying and hilarious especially since the characters feel the need to constantly shout it to distract themselves. Not much thought is given to the history of the urban legend besides some flashbacks so we know where the night table came from. The deaths are very PG-13 mostly happening off the screen so don't expect any gory goods. 

One of the big problems Bye Bye man has is how inconsequential it all feels. The plot feels stolen and convoluted and although the film runs a too long 96 minutes it doesn't take any time building any of the characters so we care about them at all. In fact the execution is so sloppy their actions throughout seem irrational and forced. I'd love to say there was enough of the "so bad it's good" quality here but despite a hefty barrage of unintentional funnies  which come often, mostly from the film's insepid performances and silly dialogue " like students with sneakers covered in blood"  but it's not enough to merit even watching it once. 

Even though the librarians tackling of a moving vehicle is one for the books. I'd like to say the villain is cool but it's a guy in a coat with long fingers played by a completely wasted Doug Jones, he is accompanied by the cutest CGI hellhound you'll ever see.

 In the end the best thing I can say about this overly mediocre waste of time is that it isn't boring. At least there's enough going on here to make the time pass for better or worse. My suggestion stay home and watch Candyman that movie will scary the shit out of you. Also scary is the fact this film has made a decent amount of money this weekend which is the most terrifying thing of all meaning that a sequel is undoubtedly on the way. What great start to 2017 **.5/5

KICK A #!% MOVIE ALERT!- THE MONSTER

THE MONSTER
A24
2016 Color
91 Mins.
Horror/Thriller
Zoe Kazan, Ella Ballentine and Scott Speedman star.
Written and Directed by Bryan Bertino
Rated R for language, violence and gore.

This movie is powerful. I was a huge fan of  Bryan Bertino's The Strangers. I found his execution inspired. His slow burn technique produced some of the most horrific moments in genre history. And than a few years later he reemerged with Mockingbird. A huge piece of cinematic dreck. But he has redeemed himself with his brilliant new film. A hopeful representation of what's to come from this very talented film maker. Now I may be overhyping it a little. Although I was really impressed with the trailer I had modified expectations going in even though there was lots of solid buzz (the film currently sits at 80% positive on rotten tomatoes) and I was overly impressed.

The film centers on a troubled young mother and her daughter and their toxic relationship. In real time she is driving the young girl to her fathers where she will live because the mother struggles with alcoholism amongst many other immature traits. Along the elongated trip due to constant cigarette breaks so the mother can stretch out the proceedings. There is a big storm and they end up seemingly crashing into a wolf. But upon further inspection they discover it looks to have been mauled by some kind of wild animal. They of course call for help which is unsuccessful when the man is brutally attacked by a large unidentifiable creature. Terrified they are stuck in the car and need to find a way to get help so they can survive.

Although the film is suspenseful, it's not too scary. When the creature finally comes into view it leaves something to be desired. What makes the film work so well is the drama surprisingly enough. And there is some really strong stuff here. With each flashback of their painful relationship the proceedings become more and more immersive as you care about these very well drawn characters.

The movie is darkly lit throughout and Bertino smartly keeps the creature in it for most of the films run time. As the film progresses towards it's aggressive and heartfelt finale the scares, suspense and emotion are amped up leaving viewers stunned with a new insight on how the movie works on many levels. The performances from Zoe Kazan and Ella Ballantine as the mother and daughter are award worthy. There are some scenes that are so hard to watch and it's just unbelievable that they would exist in a genre film. The film's cinematography is appropriately dark but has some truly inspired touches throughout such as the gorgeous bathroom scene and that last shot. The screenplay and direction from Bertino are brilliant even though the horror aspect doesn't work as well as the dramatic side of things. Still make no mistake this is a horror film and you should expect nothing less. In the end The Monster is a film that really deserved a wide, theatrical release. It's a solid, unique horror experience that deserves to be widely seen and all the people associated with it deserve the attention and acclaim they would have gotten if it wasn't dumped to a direct TV, VOD release. So let's try and remedy that by getting the word out. ****.75/5

NEW BLOOD MUST SEE!: 47 METERS DOWN "BEST KILLER SHARK MOVIE SINCE JAWS!"

47 METERS DOWN

Dimension
2016 Color
87 Mins.
Horror/Thriller
Mandy Moore, Matthew Modine, and Clare Holt star.
Written and Directed by Johannes Roberts
N/R contains strong language, violence and gore.

47 Meters down which was also known as In the Deep last year is without a doubt the best killer shark movie since Jaws. Now I know that's a big statement and trust me I'm an underwater horror movie kinda guy. And to be honest I do tend to enjoy most of them from Deep Blue Sea to the unintentionally funny Shark Night and the camptastic Sharknado movies. I even liked the Shallows though I found it to be a bit lackluster. However, this film friggin delivers.

 And the wait is finally over on June 16th and trust me this is one you don't want to miss. The movie centers on two sisters, Lisa and Kate who are on a trip in Mexico. Lisa is just coming out of a relationship and has decided to try and make herself more interesting by partying it up in paradise. Lisa whose a bit more adventurous steers them towards two spunky Latin hunks who suggest they go great white shark diving of which they agree. Once on the boat Lisa starts to regret her decision but is pressured by Kate to "make herself more interesting". She of course agrees and that's when the nightmare begins.

Because as soon as they are plunged into the icy water filled with gliding monsters the chain to their cage breaks and they plummet 47 meters down into the dark depths of the ocean. With their air decreasing and surrounded by the sharks they must try and survive before it's too late. There's absolutely so much to love about this movie. Johannes Roberts of the recent, under rated The Other Side of the Door scores big time this go around. The movie is packed with a sweaty palm inducing, seat clenching, dread inducing atmosphere throughout.

 He expertly moves through the film ratcheting up the tension and development where it really counts. Kate played by Clare Holt is likable and Lisa portrayed by a very solid Mandy Moore is so believable turning in some of the best work of her career. The sharks are smartly kept in the dark but when they do emerge there more striking than any seen in quite some time. Beautifully filmed with haunting cinematography and a anxiety elevating enhancing score 47 Meters Down stands as a modern classic.

 Originally it was to be dumped to VOD last year but after some critical reactions a company picked up the film and now we are all in for a treat. It's definitely the kind of film worth the money on the big screen. Packed to the brim with horrific visuals and edge of your seat suspense I can only imagine how seeing this film with a packed audience will be! So rush out and see it, it's way better than last summer's sleeper hit The Shallows! This is the one we've been waiting for! ****.75/5

RETRO REVIEW: THE GUARDIAN

THE GUARDIAN
Universal 1990 Color
92 Mins.
Horror/Thriller
Jenny Seagrove, Dwier Brown, Cary Lowell, Brad Hall and Miguel Ferrer star.
Written by Stephen Volk
Directed by William Friedkin
Rated R for strong language, violence, gore, sexuality and nudity.

I remember my Dad taking me to see this film in theaters when I was 11 and of course I loved it automatically. I just happened to revisit it recently and wanted to share my thoughts. This movie rocks!. Yeah there are some cheesy parts sprinkled through out and the concept is way out there but that crazy execution is bat shit and  this is a welcome, wholly original spin on the tired cinematic killer Nanny trope.

 The film centers on a yuppie couple who hire a new woman who just happens to be a druid "sorceress" of sorts who worships a giant creepy tree in the forest that eats babies... Yes that's what it's about. The film is packed with gory, hella crazy death set pieces and remains oddly immersive throughout as it races towards it's insanely bloody climax. Now some of you will be put off by the strangeness of it all, but try and have an open mind because it's definitely worth the watch.

 Besides there have been way stranger movies but most of them don't meld together as well. William Friedkin of Exorcist fame directs the proceedings with a confident zest experimenting with audience expectations and trying some truly unique things. Not all of it is successful, some of the FX don't hold up and there are some questionable choices but the film is gorgeously shot with a trancey score adding to it's dark panache.

 So if you're in the mood for something different, something scary and something way out there that delivers the gory goods look no further than 1990's severely under rated horror gem the Guardian. Sure to make you think twice before thinking about hired help. ****.5/5

5 MOVIES FOR HALLOWEEN

INTRO:

It's that time of year again! Halloween or as most of us know it, the time too watch as many horror movies as possible. Well we've reached the day and it's October 31st. Below are some sweaty palm inducing goodies you may have missed to help you celebrate so you have a bloody good holiday!

RETRO HORROR: HOUSE OF THE DEVIL

2009 Horror/Thriller 95 Mins. Jocelin Donahue, Tom Noonan Mary Woronov, Greta Gerwig and AJ Bowen star. Written and Directed by Ti West Rated R for graphic violence, gore and language

Ti West's brilliant dread inducing cinematic nightmare may have been made in 2009 but it feels like something straight out of the 70's/early 80's. The film centers on a young woman named Samantha in the 80's. She finds herself in a situation where she is desperate for money, needing it for a deposit on a new apartment. So she accepts a babysitting job at a house in the middle of nowhere. Upon arriving she discovers that there is no baby/child and instead they need her too care for the spooky woman's ailing mother. Who according to them needs very little assistance, so she doesn't need to go upstairs and check on her. They offer her more money and she stays. As the night progresses she begins to hear noses, see shadows and strange figures until finally a dark secret is revealed. The film is a slow burn without a doubt. West soaks the film in a palpable tension of mounting anxiety before exploding at it's blood soaked finale. Innovatively borrowing from films of the era "Devil's" disturbing end will stay with you long after the credits roll.

REAL FEAR: HOUSES THAT OCTOBER BUILT 

2014 Horror/Thriller 91 Mins. Brandy Schaefer, Zack Andrews, Bobby Roe, Mikey Roe  and Jeff Larson star. Written by Zack Andrews Directed by Bobby Roe Rated R for language, violence, sexuality, nudity and drug use

However, if you find yourself in the mood for something that feels very real look no further than this nightmarish horror delight. "Houses" is a film that centers on a group of documentary film makers who embark on a road trip to find the most extreme haunts in America. Bobby Roe smartly adapts a genuine atmosphere creating characters that feel real and are likable. As the film progresses and they move from haunt to haunt disturbing truths come to light such as interviews with real people and disturbing news reports edited in to increase the films immersive tone. But with each new haunt the people who work at them become more and more bizarre until finally they are being pursued by the group with disastrous consequences. The last third of this film is so creepy and explores some very dark material. What sets "Houses" aside from the onslaught of found footage/mockumentary garbage is how believable everything comes across. Even though I've seen this a few times and done my research it's still hard for me to believe that it isn't real. Which makes it perfect for a terrorific Halloween viewing. Add to the fact that the film is drenched in the dark holiday. 

GORY GOODS: NIGHT OF THE DEMONS

1988 Horror 90 Mins. Cathy Podewell, Amelia Kinkade, Linnea Quigley, Billy Gallo Hal Harvins and Donnie Jeffcoat star.Written by Joe Augustyn Directed by Kevin Tenney Rated R for strong language, violence, gore sexuality and nudity

This has been a favorite of mind since my Dad took me to see it in the movies when I was 9 yrs. old. It's the first movie that got me into makeup. especially after learning that they made the demons teeth from Starburst. Although the makeup angle didn't stick it still stands as one of my favorite genre films. After years of scrutiny the horror community has finally found a place for "NOTD" and given the film it's justly due. The film centers on a group of friends who crash a Halloween party at a haunted funeral home with a tragic past and end up releasing a demonic plague of sorts taking them one by one. The film is filled with splendid awe inducing practical effects and maintains a retro 80's vibe with a fun, scary/funny mood. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't some unintentional funnies in here the opening scene with Judy at her house has become a cult gem for me and my friends. But if you haven't seen "NOTD" I highly recommend it. It's a fun example of the genre that doesn't take it too seriously and can be a lot of fun if you keep an open mind. It was followed by a more comical but decent sequel a horrifically bad third entry and an insipid remake. 

SLICE AND DICE: HELLBENT

2004 Horror/Thriller 84 Mins. Dylan Fergus Bryan Kirkwood, Hank Harris, Andrew Levitas and Hank Harris star. Written and Directed by Paul Etheredge Rated R for language violence gore sexuality, nudity and drug use.

From the producer of the original Halloween and The producer of the original Nightmare elm st. comes this super fun slasher flick. Set during the Halloween Carvinal in West Hollywood a group of gay friends finds themselves hunted by a hunky devil with an eight pack. The kill scenes are brutally fun in an 80's way and the film retains a fun, frenetic pacing throughout. The guys are sexy and the film even boasts a few scares and some rad chase scenes. Paul Etheredge approaches the proceedings with a sort of winking eye keeping it light and fun but the film doesn't skimp on the gory goods. The opening scene alone is worth a watch. The film is also a fun alternative for those who enjoy seeing guys run around scantily clad and screaming for their lives. 

SCARED SHITLESS: POSSESSION OF MICHAEL KING

2014 Horror/Thriller 83 Mins. Shane Johnson, Ella Anderson, Tomas Arana, Luke Baines and Cara Pifko star. Written and Directed by David Jung Rated R for language, violence, gore, sexuality and drug use

Can I just say that this movie is fucking scary! It's the type of film that just feels evil. That's partly due to the electrifying central performance from hunky Shane Johnson as Michael King. He  stars as a recently widowed single dad who is filming a sort of documentary to disprove the existence of god and the devil. He chooses to achieve this by visiting various people and having them do a bunch of creeptastic rituals on him. But along the way he manages to contact something real and opens himself up to it. All his research results in a truly disturbing possession, the likes of which have never been seen before. Now, everyone knows how many possession movies there are and besides a few, most of them suck. It makes it that much more impressive that in 2014 they finally have been able to reinvent the concept in a really frightening way. The film was unjustly ignored and this cinematic nightmare deserves it's due. But beware this is not a film for the faint of heart. This is an endurance test of absolute horror.

OUTRO:

Well farewell horror fans be safe. Remember to visit my blog and leave me some comments. Halloween is one day for most but it's everyday for me! Til next time enjoy the darkness!

NEW BLOOD: OUIJA ORIGIN OF EVIL

OUIJA ORIGIN OF EVIL
Universal
2016 Color
99 Mins.
Horror/Thriller
Annalise Basso, Elizabeth Reaser, Lulu Wilson,  Henry Thomas and Parker Mack star.
Written and Directed by Mike Flanagan
Rated PG-13 for language, violence and gore.

Who would have known that a sequel to Hasbro's guilty pleasure Ouija could spawn such an effective, original, inspired horror prequel. The movie takes place in 1967. Elizabeth Rease (Twilight) stars as Alice Zander a widowed mother who makes her money as a scam Medium. She ends up bringing an Ouija board home which is the new craze inspired by her daughter Lina played by the wonderful Annalise Basso (Oculus). Soon after her youngest daughter Doris begins communing with her dead father as well as spirits in the house which leads to disastrous results. Trust me you've never seen a possession like this, it's nightmarish. What separates "Origin" from the infinite horde of cinematic possession/Ouija garbage is Flannagan's classic execution. 

He takes the subject matter very seriously and gives the proceedings a much needed heft. The atmosphere throughout the film is thick with dread. When watching the trailers and seeing yet another creepy child I rolled my eyes, because they are just not just scary too me. Butt I take that back Lulu Wilson's Doris is horrific. She delivers her lines with a uncomfortable and disturbing zest. It all culminates with a shocking non mainstream ending that left me in awe. The rest of the cast offer solid performances as well. Reaser has never been better, she gives Alice layers uncommon in films like this. 

It's nice to see Henry Thomas on the big screen again, he's been missed and Parker Mack is handsome and delivers his lines with a flirty old school charm. As the movie progresses towards it's cringe worthy finale the scares gets more and more aggressive making for a truly memorable and nightmarish watch. 

Although not perfect I hoped for a bit more character development and the film can be a bit of a slow burn at times but "Origin" fares much better than Flanagan's Oculus which was a bit over hyped in my opinion.  Four movies have scared the crap out of me in my life. The Conjuring is still the scariest film I've ever seen, The original Insidious, Session 9 and this. This is without a doubt one of the scariest films I've ever seen. I'm not sure it will find a big audience in theaters because it's so dark, especially surprising considering it's PG-13 rating. But make no mistake this is one hell of a scary movie. ****.25/5