NEW BLOOD: BLAIR WITCH

BLAIR WITCH
Lionsgate
2016 Color
89 Mins.
Horror/Thriller
James Allen McCune, Corbin Reed, Brandon Scott, Wes Robinson and Valorie Curry star.
Written by Simon Barrett
Directed by Adam Wingard
Rated R for language, violence and gore.

I've been a long time fan of the small but inspired Blair Witch franchise from the beginning. I remember lining up for the original back in 1999 and than showing up for it's sequel in 2000. I enjoyed the first movie quite a bit and it only got better with each viewing. I found that movie to be so immersive and at the time it was unique in it's execution there was no other experience like it. As for the 2000 sequel I know a lot of you hated it but I sort of loved it. There was so much going on in the film below the surface it was truly an ingenious sequel to a tough movie to follow up. Now in 2016 we have Blair Witch the latest in a long line of generic reboots and sequels that studios keep punishing us with.

 At first the buzz was solid with the film heralding it as a new beginning for horror. And I have to give them props for that marketing twist. Releasing the first trailers as The Woods and than changing it's marketing over to Blair witch after a big comic con debut. But as the release grew closer other reviews started to drop and the movie went from a 100% positive to 43%. Not a great sign. So I went into the (empty) showing last night with low expectations. Well I can tell you that the new Blair Witch is an absolute joke. And that the film stands as a prime example of everything that's wrong in genre cinema today. The film follows Heather Donahue's supposed brother and his hapless friends as they film a documentary in search of her after some questionable footage was posted on you tube. You see, he was four when she disappeared and it apparently has overwhelmed him throughout his life with an ambition to go out and find her(yeah, okay).

 For the film's first half we are introduced to a group of one note characters played out dismally by a group of amateur actors. And once they hit the woods it follows in the steps of the original regurgitating almost every setup. But every time it moves even slightly beyond it's lame retread it recedes into a sordid cesspool of cheap jump scares and ridiculous directorial choices. When it does finally hit it's finale and we see glimpses of the supposed blair witch she looks like a stretched out, stick figure, alien who casts light spells which induced quite a bit of laughter. The main problem with this film is how it manages to be almost identical to the first film amping up the sort of cheesy scares they think the audience of today would like and offer far, far less.

There is really no story here and it's not remotely believable for a second. At least in the original the setup about the history and the inspired execution with all the interviews and such gave it an immersive heft. Here there are hardly any people in the film and not one of them is believable and neither is the hokey story the film makers threw together surrounding them. The new Blair Witch is a resemblance of everything that's wrong in modern genre cinema. We keep revisiting properties in an unnecessary way, More is never more and the retreads always have less of a purpose than their originals did. Some of them may offer minor amusement and there have been a handful of fun ones from the Chainsaw remake to Evil Dead and Dawn of the Dead but this sad retread is one note and offers absolutely nothing new. It's execution at this point after hundreds of Blair Witch rips offs feels forced and amateur and most definitely doesn't belong in theaters. I wish I could say I was really mad about the whole thing but in honesty The Blair Witch films stopped at 2 for me as this one is instantly forgettable. So if you're in the mood for some unintentional funnies go see this film if you're in the mood for something scary or just good avoid it all costs! *.5/5